i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
