he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
