wanna go halves on a baby?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
