All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
