how can u be prego again
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize