Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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