So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
