he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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