I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
