1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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