you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
