So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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