dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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