do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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