No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
