The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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