tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this is an emotional support booty call
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
