And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
