my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize