I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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