my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
