I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
