He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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