Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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