just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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