Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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