Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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