the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
