don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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