Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
