he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to make a zoo with you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
