i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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