Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
