R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
