I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize