he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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