well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
