We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
