who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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