Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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