you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
