O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
