Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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