Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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