God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
