Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize