I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
