dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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