Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize