dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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