The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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