It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
