guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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