Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
