I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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