and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
