Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
