went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
