I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
