Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
