I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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