Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
