He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
