i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
