so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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