I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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