We won't sleep together?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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