i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
