people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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