After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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