woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
