Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
