Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
