My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
