Moan for me like Helen Keller
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
