I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
