dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
