suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
