Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
