just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just had sex bonerless
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize