You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
