I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
