I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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