AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
