My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So squirting runs in the family.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize