If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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