some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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