There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
