How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
