I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
