Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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