I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
