She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
