i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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