I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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