i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Holy sore nipples Batman
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
